Amazing me..AND you!

“I’m too fat”.

“I’m too skinny.”

“I’m too tall.”

“I’m too short.”

“My breasts are too big.”

“My breasts are too small.”

“I talk too much.”

“Ugh, I wish I wasn’t so shy!”

Even though we may not say these statements out loud, at one time or another we are all critical of ourselves. We constantly compare ourselves to other people wondering why can’t we look or BE more like this one or that one.

When are we going to learn that we are all AMAZING individuals who were ALL put here for a reason? Because I am, and you are. We all make up a very unique, integral part of a tapestry; blended together to make a beautiful masterpiece.

So everyday we go kicking up our heels and proclaim how awesome we are!? Hey, why not!? What’s so wrong with thinking that we are fearfully and wonderfully made? We are all unique creations, we each have specific gifts and talents that make us incredible people, yet all too often we harbor a simple comment made by someone, either years ago or even recently. We make that a part of who we are and we end up lowering our opinion of ourselves, when in actual fact, we should have said,”ok, that’s how you feel but I like who I am so thank you, but I’m good.”

Someone once told me, “Denika, I can’t be friends with you, you’re too…too, oh I don’t know, you’re too over the top.”

Well, that hurt. I tend to take things to heart and that one hit me like a sledgehammer. I always knew some people felt I was a little too talkative, or “too excited” and animated but to have it said directly to my face!? OUCH!

I sulked for a few days, I tried to “tone it down” (I know right? Like THAT’S even possible!) In the end, it didn’t work-no kidding right? I had to learn how to take what this person had said to me, realize that this is HER opinion of me, not necessarily what is TRUE of me, and move on, leaving her and her opinion of me behind.

You know what I realized? That doing that, removing myself from negative people and giving myself permission to be exactly who I am is liberating! Ever since that incident, I try to stay as true to myself and who God made me to be, as I possibly can. I’m loud, funny, emotional, exaggerated, and full of life and I will not tone for anyone.

 

 

 

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What I KNOW and BELIEVE…

The roller coaster of my days is actually humorous. Yesterday I felt like I could soar way up and touch the sky. Today I want to curl up at my desk and write my second book, blanket wrapped around me and a tea in my hand. Tomorrow, well, who knows what tomorrow will bring.

What I KNOW and BELIEVE to be true (I think I just inadvertently quoted Oprah – GO ME!!) is that whatever it is I feel and believe I should do or be tomorrow, whatever crazy-ass part of me that wants to come out, I’m gonna let her! Cause there’s only ONE way, ONE chance down this path of life and I intend to travel it with GUSTO!!

As most of you saw on the NTV news with Leila Beaudoin yesterday, I began my Mastectomy/Bare Chest/Scar Covering (whatever anyone wants to call it) tattoo. It was a LONG time coming, let me tell you. At first I wanted my whole cancer journey etched onto my chest. Then one day as I was hiking one of Newfoundlands GORGEOUS trails listening to Katy Perry’s song “ROAR”, it hit me. I DON’T WANT to be reminded of my journey every single time I look in the mirror. If you have tattoos like that, awesome, go for it, you do you. This is my body and I wanted my tattoos to be something that is all of me, not just one chapter out of my life. So I chose pretty, tribal, fairy with one tiny hint of personal meaning. You’ll have to wait and see the final product to determine where that personal touch is.

So yeah, that’s that. I also got a Gaelic symbol for “New Beginnings” on my right wrist, same place hubby has a Gaelic symbol for “Inner Strength” – pretty awesome hey?

Speaking of new beginnings, I am accepted to CNA (College of the North Atlantic) for September! Yep, gonna be a college student again, and not as a Sign Language – English Interpreter this time – an actual student. I’m braving the classroom in the Business Management Program (Human Resource Management). It’s a career that I know I can excel in and maybe even use my previous career alongside – who knows?

My second book is on again, off again. I write a bit then life swoops in and takes over. Then I settle down and write another chapter and in comes life again…putting it on hold. So eventually I’ll get serious and do some actual writing. Until then I’m living life out loud and trying to enjoy every single day.

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